HOPE IN GRACE - THOUGHTS ON FRANCE'S "SAINTLY KILLER"

I've been thinking a lot lately about hope. If you've been following my blog entries for the last couple of months, you may have noticed that I've been experiencing a rather rocky year, especially since the beginning of June. Plans have changed, sin has weighed me down, the struggles of the spiritual life on top of everything else has left me feeling burnt-out and exhausted. And through it all there have been times where I've just wanted to throw up my hands and say: "Forget about it! It's too hard to be a Christian any way!" Fortunately, God has kept such lines of thought from maturing into anything truly dangerous. He's always taken the time through it all to remind me that with Him - if I let Him do what He wishes - all things are possible.

I was deeply moved the other day reading an article about the cause for cononization of a certain French criminal in the Our Sunday Visitor. It was a rather controversial article, and indeed the man it is about is a very controversial figure. The article I speak of had dubbed this man the "saintly killer."

Jacques Fesch was born a Catholic, and even a devout one through his youth, but before long his family was broken to pieces over his not-so-devout father's adulterous escapades. Dissilusioned with his faith, Jacques quickly became an incorrigible juvenile delinquint. He was expelled from his school, and after getting his girlfriend, Pierrette, pregnant, married her at the young age of 21. He had a chance at a more dignified life, of cleaning up his act, when he was offered a position at his father's bank, but he soon found himself leaving that job, and eventually his wife and daughter, Veronique, to pursue a somewhat wild dream to sail away to the South Pacific. His parents would have not part in it, refusing to pay for a boat, leaving Jacques in desperate need of money. Turning to theft, he tried to rob a money changer, but couldn't pull off the heist. As he fled the scene, a police officer by the name of Jean Vergne tried to arrest him, but Jacques did the unthinkable. He pulled out his revolver and shot Vergne three times, killing him. Jacques was soon caught by the angry mob the rose up in response to the officer's shooting, was quickly tried, then sentenced to death.

So far you might be thinking "has the Church lost her mind? This isn't a saint! This guys a cold blodded killer!" And if this were the end of this man's story, I would agree with - and so would the Church for that matter. But there's more to it. After spending a year on death row openly mocking the Catholic faith of his lawyer, something happened very suddenly an unexpectedly on February night in 1955. Recorded in his journal, and quoted from the OSV article, his recounting of his conversion experience went like this:

" 'I was in bed, eyes open, relly suffering for the first time. It was then a cry burst from my breast, and appeal for help. Instantly, like a violent wind which passes over without anyone knowing where it comes from, the spirit of the Lord seized me by the throat. I had an impression of infinite power and kindness and, from that moment onward, I believed with an unshakeable conviction that has never left me.' "

And from that moment onward, Jacques Fesch lived and died in a state of grace. He even reconciled with his wife and daughter the night before he died. What makes this story so powerful is that God would not reject what society counts as a lost cause, an absolute evil, the scum of the earth. No matter how sick with sin, diseased in our hearts we may be, there is hope in Christ! There is great opposition to the canonization of this man, as you may be able to imagine, because of the potential mixed message it may send to society. But I think that the Church has never sent a more clear message about the great saving power of our God. We're in a world today that saps hope from every quarter. We see the media heaping upon our young women impossible demands about how they should look and act, leaving them feeling hopelessly inadequate, and somehow worthless; we see relativism and secularism draining us of our moral and spiritual convictions, reducing them to mere "opinions," instead of the absolute truths that they are; and we see desperate young people, confused, dissillusioned with life, reaching out for something, but finding only ashes in the vain, passing pleasures of this life... and how many of them end their lives so soon...?

That's why the Church needs a saint like Jacques Fesch, to show us that there is never such a thing as vain hope, so long as our hope is in Christ. He has won for us all the grace necessary to melt the heart of even the most hardened sinner, if only he (or she) opens that door in the tiniest bit. Let us pray for the cause of Jacques Fesch, and let us pray for a great abundance of the virtue of hope in our world. It's never too late to turn back to Him. Let us pray for those who seem lost in darkness, with little hope of finding the light again!

Another Long Hiatus

I seem to do this a lot. Just when things really get moving with this blog, something has to come up in life that seriously distracts me. This time it was a number of things, from finals to graduation, vacation to my summer parish assingment...there's just been so much going on. And its been mostly good. It's good to stay busy, although one must be careful that he doesn't loose sight of himself and what really matters. God always wants us to be able to look up at the world, see where we're going, and really drink it all in. If we're too busy, we'll never be able to see His hand at work in the little things around us.

And indeed sometimes his Hand is hard to see. I'm in kind of that place right now. About a week ago today I found out that the Archbishop has decided against sending me to the North American College this Fall. It was a blow to the stomach. I had been so ready, so excited, I'd told everyone I knew, my parents were so proud! I was even almost all the way packed! And the Archbishop told me he wants me to stay. It turns out that there are few things that I need to work on before I will be at my best, and ready to tackle the extreme stresses of seminary in Rome.

Although his decision was hard for me to take, and even to agree with at first, I knew that I had to see this all as an opportunity from God. It seems that God is reminding me that I am not perfect, that I have a lot of areas in my life that are broken, that are in need of healing. It's a hard thing to admit--it's very humbling (even humiliating), but it is for my greater health, spiritual and mental. I have to believe that, because if I don't, He'll never be able to work in me and through me as the priest that I think He is calling me to be.

It's a somewhat confusing time for me now. Although I trust in the Lord and am confident that He will show me His way when He sees fit, it's a little bewildering to have had a plan in place, and have it change very suddenly on you in such a manner. As for what I'll be doing in the Fall, I have not yet been told, and so I must take my summer placement one step at a time. Indeed this is an opportunity to learn what it means to trust in Lord always. I only pray that he grants me a deeper sense of His Providence, and a mighty faith that will cling to Him no matter what trials I shall face. May He do the same for you!

Contemplating the Face of Jesus

I've been struggling lately. I've been faced with many challenges to holiness, and have found myself face-flat on the dust more often than anything. It's been a tough school year, full of many faith-shaking and hope-sapping events for me. On top of that, this year has been marked with numerous personal failings. Some years are like that, I suppose, but I'm ready for it to be over. I'm ready for something to really lift me up and inspire me again. I'm looking forward to beginning Major Seminary in Rome, as I think that all the Faith and Antiquity in that Eternal City will be a wonderful source of grace and joy.

Again, in response to the words of my confessor this evening, I find that all my problems stem from one: I loose focus on the Face of Jesus. All the book learning, all the catholic culture, all of it is beautiful indeed; but all of it is for a purpose. And that purpose is the pursuit of a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. The ultimate remedy to any sin, to any challenge to personal holiness, is to contemplate the face of Jesus in personal prayer. I don't know why I always forget this. I think my spiritual director reminds me of it almost every time that I meet with him. But it's just the thing that the Devil is trying so hard to make all of us loose sight of amidst all the clutter of our everyday concerns. This is my great challenge! I do not pray as often as I should!

And why? Why is it that I fail to? I think for one, prayer is hard, it's frequently unrewarding, and its contrary to the inclinations of our wounded human nature. But, the Lord knows this, of course, and he supplies us with His grace, which slowly and surely must build upon our nature, so Aquinas says. But more importantly, in His wisdom, when prayer gets difficult, if we're faithful despite the challenge, He makes the difficulty the means by which we are transformed to His likeness. It was in the cross that his love was made known to us! So it is that our love is made known to Him. I let that thought encourage me when prayer is difficult. And I always try to remember that after the cross there is always that Easter joy we celebrate throughout this season.

I seem to be reflecting quite a bit on this issue lately. Perhaps that Lord is putting it on my heart that I may inspire someone who is struggling like me. And so, I say with greater confidence than ever that there is nothing more vital to the sanctification of the Christian than prayer. How else can we learn the ways of God, unless we sit at the feet of the Master. And so let us turn to Him daily, if only for a little while, and listen to His Word. The gospels are a great place to begin to know Him. And even if we don't experience anything particularly awesome at first, in the long run we will find ourselves drawn ever closer to Him. We must only be patient with ourselves and persist!

An Easter Call to Holiness

Happy Easter! The blessings of the Risen Lord be upon you! This is a season of great joy for me, as the whole Church celebrates the great victory over sin and death of Her Head, Jesus Christ. With that victory comes the joy of redemption from sin, of the grace of the Holy Spirit, of intimate union with the Father in Heaven. Between the awesome beauty of the Triduum Liturgy - The Mass of the Lord's Supper, The Commemoration of the Lord's Passion, and the Easter Vigil - and the wonderful graces imparted throughout these days, Eastertide has always been a season of great spiritual consolation, even when things have been a little dry. And who could remain cold to the celebrations of Easter, amid the beautiful sights and smells of a lilly-clad altar? The beauty of the Easter decorations in churches everywhere are such sources of grace in and of themselves!

Lately, during the tail end of Lent and throughout this Easter Week, I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be a Christian, how it all boils down in the routine, everyday of our lives here on earth. I think, the reason being, is simply because I don't know if I've been doing the best that I can in my walk with Christ. On top of that is the exciting, and also sobering news from my bishop that I will be attending Major Seminary at the North American College in Rome. This news is absolutely wonderful, and I feel incredibly blessed and honored to be given this amazing opportunity to be so close to the Heart of Holy Mother Church. How truly graced I will be. All this makes me think how un-graced-like I've been acting recently. Without giving away details too personal for the public forum, I'll say that I've been lately worn out by my daily crosses. Most of these are private crosses, things that I bear in silence, that most of my brothers are unaware of. But the crosses themselves aren't really the problem. The problem comes from how distracted I've let myself become in the midst of them. I'm already someone who doesn't deal well with stress. That weakness is compounded a hundred-fold when I allow myself to loose sight of what really matters in life.

So what does really matter? Amid all the trappings of the Catholic - Christian life, the teachings, the prayers, the Liturgies and Traditions, what is the driving principle and last end of all these essentials? What's at the core? What holds them all together?

The Catechism of the Catholic Church puts it wonderfully:

In the waters of Baptism...our Father calls us to holiness in the whole of our life, and since 'he is the source of [our] life in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God, and...sanctification,' both his glory and our life depend on the hallowing of his name in us and by us. (no. 2813)

Holiness. That's our call, that's the first mission and reason for our existence. In everything we do we are to "hallow" his name in our hearts and in our actions. It is this lived Faith, I think, in which real spiritual progress consists. But don't we so often get distracted, even in our Faith? What I mean is, especially for those involved in service to the church, is that sometimes we make our faith all about having the best music at Mass, or being on the right side of all the big debates that divide us today. Now, I firmly believe that many of these things are among the most important aspects of our religion; I said it above already - they're the essentials, because they direct and inspire our Faith, showing us the way to holiness, helping us to pray. But all of them mean absolutely nothing unless we daily seek after Christ. That's what holiness means: union with that God-man Jesus, who died and rose from the dead to deliver us from sin and make us new in the Spirit. It means that every day we have to get back up when we fall; It means every day remembering that it's all His work, and never ours; It means we are hopeless without Him, and living like we know it. It means we pray like our lives depended on it. It means trying to be one with Him, like Him in Heart and Mind. Every morning we have to renew our commitment to Him, give ourselves over to Him, and let His love fill our hearts so it can be the lens through we we see all whom we meet.

It sounds like quite a tall order, doesn't it? I guess from this side of heaven, it does. But it helps to simplify it, I think. It's all about Jesus. Everything else about our Catholic Faith falls into place around Him, pointing toward Him. So here's a bit of advice, if all my talk about Holiness seems like a lot: try and grow in your love for the Blessed Sacrament. It works for me, and has for all the saints. Why? Well, because it's Jesus. Because everything comes together in the Eucharist. There's nothing symbolic about it - Jesus is really and truly there, and that's an essential to our Faith. You can't come to truly know Christ without it. Mary will help you, too; everything she does points to Him. If you find yourself losing focus, getting distracted by your sins or just those lesser concerns, go to her. She'll take you to the Cross, where His blood will wash you clean again...

I hope my Easter ramblings have made some sense. There's a lot of context to these reflections that I admit I've left out for personal reasons, so it all seems to make perfect sense in my head. But the advice I've given has been given by all the spiritual masters. This Christian Life is tough, I know. I've been trying hard to live it for a while now. But I think we'll all be okay if we just manage to focus. That in and of itself can't be done without the grace of God, so again, stick close to Him. He loves us, and wants only the best for us. Well, that's all for now. Until next time, may the Risen Lord fill your hearts and your minds with the peace that is beyond all understanding... Ciao!

Enter The Angel

So this is blogging? You hear all about, and I've only just now stumbled alongside the bandwagon. A good friend of mine, Deacon Joe Wiz (that's not really his last name, but I can't spell it for the life of me), from the diocese of Wilmington, Delaware recomended it to me as a great way to communicate. So, here I am. Communicating...

To whom? I mean, is anybody out there? Who reads these things? Is anyone really gonna care about what some random shmuck writes in here about his personal life? I mean who am I? I'm just so...average!

No, I don't have issues with self-worth. I'm just honestly curious, that's all. I mean the idea of a blog is a really interesting one, but if all it does is satisfy your urge to process your thoughts, than why post it for all the world to see? There are so many people out there, so many bloggs and websites clogging up cyberspace. Is it really possible for all of them to be seen?

Well, anyway, despite it all, I thought it was well worth a try. If you've stumbled upon these Aquinas Files and actually find yourself even semi-interested in me, I'd love to strike up some kind of correspondence with you. Be brave! Be bold! Talk to this crazy Catholic and see what amazing things he has to say. Don't worry, I don't bite. I mean, I never was much for Man chops... just kidding, really! Anyway, it's always good to meet new people and expand your horizons. And besides, who knows how we'll impact one another? That's the most exciting thing of all...

Well, I'll guess I'll c ya around crazy world. Untill next time, ciao!