HOPE IN GRACE - THOUGHTS ON FRANCE'S "SAINTLY KILLER"

I've been thinking a lot lately about hope. If you've been following my blog entries for the last couple of months, you may have noticed that I've been experiencing a rather rocky year, especially since the beginning of June. Plans have changed, sin has weighed me down, the struggles of the spiritual life on top of everything else has left me feeling burnt-out and exhausted. And through it all there have been times where I've just wanted to throw up my hands and say: "Forget about it! It's too hard to be a Christian any way!" Fortunately, God has kept such lines of thought from maturing into anything truly dangerous. He's always taken the time through it all to remind me that with Him - if I let Him do what He wishes - all things are possible.

I was deeply moved the other day reading an article about the cause for cononization of a certain French criminal in the Our Sunday Visitor. It was a rather controversial article, and indeed the man it is about is a very controversial figure. The article I speak of had dubbed this man the "saintly killer."

Jacques Fesch was born a Catholic, and even a devout one through his youth, but before long his family was broken to pieces over his not-so-devout father's adulterous escapades. Dissilusioned with his faith, Jacques quickly became an incorrigible juvenile delinquint. He was expelled from his school, and after getting his girlfriend, Pierrette, pregnant, married her at the young age of 21. He had a chance at a more dignified life, of cleaning up his act, when he was offered a position at his father's bank, but he soon found himself leaving that job, and eventually his wife and daughter, Veronique, to pursue a somewhat wild dream to sail away to the South Pacific. His parents would have not part in it, refusing to pay for a boat, leaving Jacques in desperate need of money. Turning to theft, he tried to rob a money changer, but couldn't pull off the heist. As he fled the scene, a police officer by the name of Jean Vergne tried to arrest him, but Jacques did the unthinkable. He pulled out his revolver and shot Vergne three times, killing him. Jacques was soon caught by the angry mob the rose up in response to the officer's shooting, was quickly tried, then sentenced to death.

So far you might be thinking "has the Church lost her mind? This isn't a saint! This guys a cold blodded killer!" And if this were the end of this man's story, I would agree with - and so would the Church for that matter. But there's more to it. After spending a year on death row openly mocking the Catholic faith of his lawyer, something happened very suddenly an unexpectedly on February night in 1955. Recorded in his journal, and quoted from the OSV article, his recounting of his conversion experience went like this:

" 'I was in bed, eyes open, relly suffering for the first time. It was then a cry burst from my breast, and appeal for help. Instantly, like a violent wind which passes over without anyone knowing where it comes from, the spirit of the Lord seized me by the throat. I had an impression of infinite power and kindness and, from that moment onward, I believed with an unshakeable conviction that has never left me.' "

And from that moment onward, Jacques Fesch lived and died in a state of grace. He even reconciled with his wife and daughter the night before he died. What makes this story so powerful is that God would not reject what society counts as a lost cause, an absolute evil, the scum of the earth. No matter how sick with sin, diseased in our hearts we may be, there is hope in Christ! There is great opposition to the canonization of this man, as you may be able to imagine, because of the potential mixed message it may send to society. But I think that the Church has never sent a more clear message about the great saving power of our God. We're in a world today that saps hope from every quarter. We see the media heaping upon our young women impossible demands about how they should look and act, leaving them feeling hopelessly inadequate, and somehow worthless; we see relativism and secularism draining us of our moral and spiritual convictions, reducing them to mere "opinions," instead of the absolute truths that they are; and we see desperate young people, confused, dissillusioned with life, reaching out for something, but finding only ashes in the vain, passing pleasures of this life... and how many of them end their lives so soon...?

That's why the Church needs a saint like Jacques Fesch, to show us that there is never such a thing as vain hope, so long as our hope is in Christ. He has won for us all the grace necessary to melt the heart of even the most hardened sinner, if only he (or she) opens that door in the tiniest bit. Let us pray for the cause of Jacques Fesch, and let us pray for a great abundance of the virtue of hope in our world. It's never too late to turn back to Him. Let us pray for those who seem lost in darkness, with little hope of finding the light again!

An Unexpected Blessing

Hey all. I've been pretty busy recently, so I haven't been able to write posts on some of the more burning questions and issue that I've been wrestling with lately. To give you a preview, I'll say that I've been thinking more about Dawkins' book, the God Delusion and am eager to really break it open and see what he has to say. I've also been digging into the question of the Protestant views of salvation and justification, and how they compare to the Catholic views. Pretty cool stuff, and I'm really eager to write about them and share my thoughts with you on them. But, in the meantime, I'll just leave you this...

I was eating lunch today with my pastoral supervision, Fr. Steve Hook, and a friend and fellow seminarian. Since it was during the day, Fr. Steve and I walked into the diner with our clerics on, and the area we live in is not one that has been historically very welcoming to the Catholic Church. But there we are, eating our diner food (and was it good diner food!) when an older gentlemen approaches our table and sets some small, pocket size pieces of paper at the edge of the table, saying something along the lines of "just in case you don't have this at your parishes," and walked away. Not too sure of what they were, and even what religion the fellow was, we hesitated. But finally I picked up the materials and was instantly warmed and surprised to find this written on them

Our Lady of Guadalupe, Patroness of the Unborn

To help stop the anti-life push in the U.S., Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen encouraged the spiritual adoption of an unborn child. This is done by praying that one particular but unknown child's life be spared abortion and be allowed to continue to and after birth.

To accomplish this, it was recommended an individual say the following daily prayer for a period of one year:

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I love you very much. I beg you to spare the life of the unborn baby that I have spiritually adopted who is in danger of abortion."

During your earthly life this spiritually adopted child of yours will be known only to God, but in the world to come and throughout eternity both you and the child will find happiness in each other's company.

Indeed, a very heart warming thing to find. It's wonderful to be able to see the little ways in which God reveals Himself throughout the day. Truly, every second of our day He blesses us somehow, in some way. We must only open our hearts so that He can give us the faith to see it. May He bless you today and everyday and give you the grace to see His presence in your lives. Then, He will be able to fill you with "the peace which surpasses all understanding" (Phil. 4:7a). I hope to be able to write more extensively soon. Until then, in the words of the Ven. Fulton Sheen, "Good night, and God love you!"

Contemplating the Face of Jesus

I've been struggling lately. I've been faced with many challenges to holiness, and have found myself face-flat on the dust more often than anything. It's been a tough school year, full of many faith-shaking and hope-sapping events for me. On top of that, this year has been marked with numerous personal failings. Some years are like that, I suppose, but I'm ready for it to be over. I'm ready for something to really lift me up and inspire me again. I'm looking forward to beginning Major Seminary in Rome, as I think that all the Faith and Antiquity in that Eternal City will be a wonderful source of grace and joy.

Again, in response to the words of my confessor this evening, I find that all my problems stem from one: I loose focus on the Face of Jesus. All the book learning, all the catholic culture, all of it is beautiful indeed; but all of it is for a purpose. And that purpose is the pursuit of a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. The ultimate remedy to any sin, to any challenge to personal holiness, is to contemplate the face of Jesus in personal prayer. I don't know why I always forget this. I think my spiritual director reminds me of it almost every time that I meet with him. But it's just the thing that the Devil is trying so hard to make all of us loose sight of amidst all the clutter of our everyday concerns. This is my great challenge! I do not pray as often as I should!

And why? Why is it that I fail to? I think for one, prayer is hard, it's frequently unrewarding, and its contrary to the inclinations of our wounded human nature. But, the Lord knows this, of course, and he supplies us with His grace, which slowly and surely must build upon our nature, so Aquinas says. But more importantly, in His wisdom, when prayer gets difficult, if we're faithful despite the challenge, He makes the difficulty the means by which we are transformed to His likeness. It was in the cross that his love was made known to us! So it is that our love is made known to Him. I let that thought encourage me when prayer is difficult. And I always try to remember that after the cross there is always that Easter joy we celebrate throughout this season.

I seem to be reflecting quite a bit on this issue lately. Perhaps that Lord is putting it on my heart that I may inspire someone who is struggling like me. And so, I say with greater confidence than ever that there is nothing more vital to the sanctification of the Christian than prayer. How else can we learn the ways of God, unless we sit at the feet of the Master. And so let us turn to Him daily, if only for a little while, and listen to His Word. The gospels are a great place to begin to know Him. And even if we don't experience anything particularly awesome at first, in the long run we will find ourselves drawn ever closer to Him. We must only be patient with ourselves and persist!

An Easter Call to Holiness

Happy Easter! The blessings of the Risen Lord be upon you! This is a season of great joy for me, as the whole Church celebrates the great victory over sin and death of Her Head, Jesus Christ. With that victory comes the joy of redemption from sin, of the grace of the Holy Spirit, of intimate union with the Father in Heaven. Between the awesome beauty of the Triduum Liturgy - The Mass of the Lord's Supper, The Commemoration of the Lord's Passion, and the Easter Vigil - and the wonderful graces imparted throughout these days, Eastertide has always been a season of great spiritual consolation, even when things have been a little dry. And who could remain cold to the celebrations of Easter, amid the beautiful sights and smells of a lilly-clad altar? The beauty of the Easter decorations in churches everywhere are such sources of grace in and of themselves!

Lately, during the tail end of Lent and throughout this Easter Week, I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be a Christian, how it all boils down in the routine, everyday of our lives here on earth. I think, the reason being, is simply because I don't know if I've been doing the best that I can in my walk with Christ. On top of that is the exciting, and also sobering news from my bishop that I will be attending Major Seminary at the North American College in Rome. This news is absolutely wonderful, and I feel incredibly blessed and honored to be given this amazing opportunity to be so close to the Heart of Holy Mother Church. How truly graced I will be. All this makes me think how un-graced-like I've been acting recently. Without giving away details too personal for the public forum, I'll say that I've been lately worn out by my daily crosses. Most of these are private crosses, things that I bear in silence, that most of my brothers are unaware of. But the crosses themselves aren't really the problem. The problem comes from how distracted I've let myself become in the midst of them. I'm already someone who doesn't deal well with stress. That weakness is compounded a hundred-fold when I allow myself to loose sight of what really matters in life.

So what does really matter? Amid all the trappings of the Catholic - Christian life, the teachings, the prayers, the Liturgies and Traditions, what is the driving principle and last end of all these essentials? What's at the core? What holds them all together?

The Catechism of the Catholic Church puts it wonderfully:

In the waters of Baptism...our Father calls us to holiness in the whole of our life, and since 'he is the source of [our] life in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God, and...sanctification,' both his glory and our life depend on the hallowing of his name in us and by us. (no. 2813)

Holiness. That's our call, that's the first mission and reason for our existence. In everything we do we are to "hallow" his name in our hearts and in our actions. It is this lived Faith, I think, in which real spiritual progress consists. But don't we so often get distracted, even in our Faith? What I mean is, especially for those involved in service to the church, is that sometimes we make our faith all about having the best music at Mass, or being on the right side of all the big debates that divide us today. Now, I firmly believe that many of these things are among the most important aspects of our religion; I said it above already - they're the essentials, because they direct and inspire our Faith, showing us the way to holiness, helping us to pray. But all of them mean absolutely nothing unless we daily seek after Christ. That's what holiness means: union with that God-man Jesus, who died and rose from the dead to deliver us from sin and make us new in the Spirit. It means that every day we have to get back up when we fall; It means every day remembering that it's all His work, and never ours; It means we are hopeless without Him, and living like we know it. It means we pray like our lives depended on it. It means trying to be one with Him, like Him in Heart and Mind. Every morning we have to renew our commitment to Him, give ourselves over to Him, and let His love fill our hearts so it can be the lens through we we see all whom we meet.

It sounds like quite a tall order, doesn't it? I guess from this side of heaven, it does. But it helps to simplify it, I think. It's all about Jesus. Everything else about our Catholic Faith falls into place around Him, pointing toward Him. So here's a bit of advice, if all my talk about Holiness seems like a lot: try and grow in your love for the Blessed Sacrament. It works for me, and has for all the saints. Why? Well, because it's Jesus. Because everything comes together in the Eucharist. There's nothing symbolic about it - Jesus is really and truly there, and that's an essential to our Faith. You can't come to truly know Christ without it. Mary will help you, too; everything she does points to Him. If you find yourself losing focus, getting distracted by your sins or just those lesser concerns, go to her. She'll take you to the Cross, where His blood will wash you clean again...

I hope my Easter ramblings have made some sense. There's a lot of context to these reflections that I admit I've left out for personal reasons, so it all seems to make perfect sense in my head. But the advice I've given has been given by all the spiritual masters. This Christian Life is tough, I know. I've been trying hard to live it for a while now. But I think we'll all be okay if we just manage to focus. That in and of itself can't be done without the grace of God, so again, stick close to Him. He loves us, and wants only the best for us. Well, that's all for now. Until next time, may the Risen Lord fill your hearts and your minds with the peace that is beyond all understanding... Ciao!

St. Joseph - Man of Faith

Well, it's certainly been a while since I've written anything. Seminary has been a rich, joyful - and also quite a busy - experience in these past two years. I find it rather amusing looking back over some of my old posts, intending at the time to chronicle my adventures here at the College Seminary--St. Andrew's Hall, and finding that my last post was in September of my first year. And already, it's two months to go before graduation and Major Seminary! It's truly been one amazing ride, an experience that has formed me in my faith and love of God and His people. There have been so many rich blessings over these two years, and I am ever more deeply grateful as each day goes by. But, it must be said that above all that, my time in College Seminary has been a great challenge, in some ways the greatest challenge of my life...

And so I find myself thinking of Lent - the Great Season of Penance. That time each year where we turn our backs to sin and look with trembling to God our Father, confident in His never failing Mercies. For all the great blessings He has shed upon me, I'm still so far from being the kind of man that He wishes me to be. It's so hard to stay pure, focused, and mindful of God's presence in my life. I find myself so easily discouraged, and sometimes disillusioned with my dreams of priesthood and holiness. It seems like so lofty a goal, so far and high above me. How can I ever dare to be an alter christus when I can't even treat my brothers and sisters in Christ with all the respect and charity that I aught! And it's so hard to find time to pray. It's so easy to just bury myself in my work (or play) and forget to take time out to spend before Jesus in the Tabernacle and just have a real heart-to-heart. Perhaps it's my dreams that are far to lofty, too high, too unrealistic. But even if they are what they should be, the challenges would still be great.

That's why I admired St. Joseph. His was a faith unquestioning, unwavering. I can't imagine what it must have been like for him to suddenly find his beloved fiancee was pregnant! Yet he trusted in God and took Mary into his home, even though to all appearances it seems that she broke the Law. How absurd it must have sounded to Him to hear that she was pregnant by the Holy Spirit! Yet, he believed, despite the looks, despite the whispering and the gossip! If only I were so untouched by anxiety over my own reputation... He was found worthy by God to take into his care the Second Person of the Holy Trinity! How amazing! And how unworthy am I to take Him under my own roof every day at Mass? Joseph's faith was an extraordinary faith - he was ready to give up everything for the ones that he loved, starting with God. He even threw himself amidst a pagan people to protect his wife and Son. My only prayer is that he would teach me-teach all of us-the meaning of true faith and trust in God, that when the crosses become hard to bear, we might cling ever more tightly to Jesus, rather than caving into our desire to have it easy. Jesus is the only thing worth clinging to. Letting our selves get dragged down by the desire for comfort is a sure sign of disordered self-love. And how empty these worldly pleasure are! We must strive always to love God more, despite ourselves and the whims of the moment. Isn't this the meaning and purpose of Lent as well? A valuable lesson, O Christian. Pray for us, O blessed Joseph, that this Lent, and every day of our lives, my be a lesson in the true meaning of Faith in Jesus...