Well, it's certainly been a while since I've written anything. Seminary has been a rich, joyful - and also quite a busy - experience in these past two years. I find it rather amusing looking back over some of my old posts, intending at the time to chronicle my adventures here at the College Seminary--St. Andrew's Hall, and finding that my last post was in September of my first year. And already, it's two months to go before graduation and Major Seminary! It's truly been one amazing ride, an experience that has formed me in my faith and love of God and His people. There have been so many rich blessings over these two years, and I am ever more deeply grateful as each day goes by. But, it must be said that above all that, my time in College Seminary has been a great challenge, in some ways the greatest challenge of my life...
And so I find myself thinking of Lent - the Great Season of Penance. That time each year where we turn our backs to sin and look with trembling to God our Father, confident in His never failing Mercies. For all the great blessings He has shed upon me, I'm still so far from being the kind of man that He wishes me to be. It's so hard to stay pure, focused, and mindful of God's presence in my life. I find myself so easily discouraged, and sometimes disillusioned with my dreams of priesthood and holiness. It seems like so lofty a goal, so far and high above me. How can I ever dare to be an alter christus when I can't even treat my brothers and sisters in Christ with all the respect and charity that I aught! And it's so hard to find time to pray. It's so easy to just bury myself in my work (or play) and forget to take time out to spend before Jesus in the Tabernacle and just have a real heart-to-heart. Perhaps it's my dreams that are far to lofty, too high, too unrealistic. But even if they are what they should be, the challenges would still be great.
That's why I admired St. Joseph. His was a faith unquestioning, unwavering. I can't imagine what it must have been like for him to suddenly find his beloved fiancee was pregnant! Yet he trusted in God and took Mary into his home, even though to all appearances it seems that she broke the Law. How absurd it must have sounded to Him to hear that she was pregnant by the Holy Spirit! Yet, he believed, despite the looks, despite the whispering and the gossip! If only I were so untouched by anxiety over my own reputation... He was found worthy by God to take into his care the Second Person of the Holy Trinity! How amazing! And how unworthy am I to take Him under my own roof every day at Mass? Joseph's faith was an extraordinary faith - he was ready to give up everything for the ones that he loved, starting with God. He even threw himself amidst a pagan people to protect his wife and Son. My only prayer is that he would teach me-teach all of us-the meaning of true faith and trust in God, that when the crosses become hard to bear, we might cling ever more tightly to Jesus, rather than caving into our desire to have it easy. Jesus is the only thing worth clinging to. Letting our selves get dragged down by the desire for comfort is a sure sign of disordered self-love. And how empty these worldly pleasure are! We must strive always to love God more, despite ourselves and the whims of the moment. Isn't this the meaning and purpose of Lent as well? A valuable lesson, O Christian. Pray for us, O blessed Joseph, that this Lent, and every day of our lives, my be a lesson in the true meaning of Faith in Jesus...
And so I find myself thinking of Lent - the Great Season of Penance. That time each year where we turn our backs to sin and look with trembling to God our Father, confident in His never failing Mercies. For all the great blessings He has shed upon me, I'm still so far from being the kind of man that He wishes me to be. It's so hard to stay pure, focused, and mindful of God's presence in my life. I find myself so easily discouraged, and sometimes disillusioned with my dreams of priesthood and holiness. It seems like so lofty a goal, so far and high above me. How can I ever dare to be an alter christus when I can't even treat my brothers and sisters in Christ with all the respect and charity that I aught! And it's so hard to find time to pray. It's so easy to just bury myself in my work (or play) and forget to take time out to spend before Jesus in the Tabernacle and just have a real heart-to-heart. Perhaps it's my dreams that are far to lofty, too high, too unrealistic. But even if they are what they should be, the challenges would still be great.
That's why I admired St. Joseph. His was a faith unquestioning, unwavering. I can't imagine what it must have been like for him to suddenly find his beloved fiancee was pregnant! Yet he trusted in God and took Mary into his home, even though to all appearances it seems that she broke the Law. How absurd it must have sounded to Him to hear that she was pregnant by the Holy Spirit! Yet, he believed, despite the looks, despite the whispering and the gossip! If only I were so untouched by anxiety over my own reputation... He was found worthy by God to take into his care the Second Person of the Holy Trinity! How amazing! And how unworthy am I to take Him under my own roof every day at Mass? Joseph's faith was an extraordinary faith - he was ready to give up everything for the ones that he loved, starting with God. He even threw himself amidst a pagan people to protect his wife and Son. My only prayer is that he would teach me-teach all of us-the meaning of true faith and trust in God, that when the crosses become hard to bear, we might cling ever more tightly to Jesus, rather than caving into our desire to have it easy. Jesus is the only thing worth clinging to. Letting our selves get dragged down by the desire for comfort is a sure sign of disordered self-love. And how empty these worldly pleasure are! We must strive always to love God more, despite ourselves and the whims of the moment. Isn't this the meaning and purpose of Lent as well? A valuable lesson, O Christian. Pray for us, O blessed Joseph, that this Lent, and every day of our lives, my be a lesson in the true meaning of Faith in Jesus...
No comments:
Post a Comment